Where is the hotel?

fuck this

i can't figure out why these photos aren't oriented right and i know there are boat load of typo's below. you'll have to deal with it for now.

home(less) sick

today is the first time since i left nyc last july that i have felt like an outsider, like a tourist. i don't know if it's because i am only going to be here for a day or so. or if it is because i don't know the next time i will be here at all. but i definitely felt like i didn't belong. and, again, i was jealous of all the people i saw walking down the street. all i could think about was them going home. it doesn't matter if it was to a cramped apartment or not, i wanted to be them. sometimes it's a constant reminder of how fucked my life is and how i can never figure out how it got to this point. why i let constantly let my heart override my head and get me into things like moving all of my shit to the west coast. why, i wonder, is all my stuff in a fucking storage space in glendale, ca? why is my bed in portland, or? what the fuck am i thinking all the time? why do i care that i don't live in nyc when all i do is tell people how happy i am that i dont?

a few good things happened today. we rolled into town and the hotel rooms were ready for people that were staying there. i am at kim's place as she is out of town and i would rather stay here than a hotel any time. i took greg to a radio thing at air america and was done by two pm. he sent me on my way with a smile and told me to to have fun. that made me happy. all i did was go get a bagel and sleep through the da vinci code.
oh i got my camera and hoodie from detroit today!
so i have some new photos of nothing. here is the last photo i took last week before i left the camera in the club. it's my rueben sandwich at the sweetwater cafe. it was pretty good.

after the movie i went and met a friend at a new argentine restaurant. i had a delicious filet mignon. we split a bottle of wine and some empanadas. totally amazing food. great food and great conversation. it's nice to hang out with people that have the same sensibilities as you do especially when you are normally surrounded by people that you feel entirely removed from.

it was a total nostalgia tour tonight. it seemed like every corner i turned i had experienced something memorable there.
this is where sharon and i ate ice cream shortly after i returned from the car accident in sweden; right when we started dating.

once i got hassled by the cops for drinking beer on the street in front of this place.

sommerstein and i ate here a few times on our way home from seeing some bands or whatever it was that we did when we lived together and went out together. if the cabbies eat there it's probably good. they got a new awning since i was around here last.

i lived here. 333 east 13th street, apartment 10.

once, sharon and i had a drink at this bar. it was the night i met a woman that was soon to be her new boss and a woman that would force her out of the magazine she worked for at the time. the next night a homeless guy or a wacko or something came by and shot the place up. he killed a couple of people. sometimes i wish that he had come by the night before and taken that lady out. she fuckin sucks. and not just cause she fired sharon, that's probably the best thing that happened to her. she really just sucked. i remember thinking that the night we met..."you suck".

i can't remember if it was a year ago or two but i was walking down 10th street here between 2nd and 3rd aves. from afar i could see a man and a woman arguing. i had just left a movie, i can't remember what...but i could see them fighting as i walked down the street. he was getting more and more aggro each second. some kids moving into the building across the street had stopped and were watching. when i was about 50 feet away i could hear the guy yelling at her and as i approached he was right in her face and called her a "dumb cunt". she was crying. and when i was about 3 feet away he reeled back and slapped her across the face really hard. the next thing i know i had the guy on the ground and was sort of kneeling on top of him. i didn't even realize i had don't it but when he hit his girlfriend i grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall. i said, "what the fuck?" or something. and, apparently, he spit on me and that is when i sort of slapped him and threw him to to the ground. the kids from across the street came running up and were like "holy shit dude! you just punched that guy! we called the cops." then i got a little freaked so i just sort of got up and casually walked away. for the next three days everytime i left the house i was sure i was gonna get arrested for assault or something. that guy was a real piece of shit though. it all happened here.

come to think of it paul and i were a couple of vigilantes. i remember him coming home after chasing some purse snatcher down and pushing him through the window of the bodega on the corner of houstona dn avenue a.

some of the guys on tour have taken to calling me dave murray after dave murray of iron maiden. that's a pretty good compliment. it's better than the kid rock i was getting on tour with interpol a few years ago. this is how i looked tonight. i was pretty happy with my appearance.

i am not so stoked about the not only GIANT but gnarled looking hand holding the camera. that was right before i walked into here and came to bed. it's nice to see kim's apartment coming along one piece of furniture at a time. the chair in the loft is new. so is the lamp by the couch and the blinds on the window. i plan on sleeping with them open tonight cause i like the sun streaming in in the morning.

all of a sudden sad.

just bam.
and there it is, i had to get off the phone.

i can't wait to leave nyc and i haven't even been there yet. wtf?

lee's palace?

that's where i am right now. i mean maybe it IS lee's palace. but surely it isn't anyone elses'. it's a dive. a dive with a 5 foot stage.
i never really thought of myself as a jealous person. i think that the advent of telecommunications and the internet have fostered this particluar emotion in me.
sarah im'ed me today. she is unable to contain her excitment for her upcoming tokyu hands shopping spree in tokyo. and nor should she, but i am jealous.
nina is in vegas. and she's at one of my favorite vegas hotels ordering breakfast from room service. jealous.
niki moved my bed into her new house. jealous. and is going to watch MY netflix tonight.
kime is wasted with old, good friends in nyc. jealous.
and i am jealous of people that get to sleep with people that don't snore. i know i have written about this snoring before. but i can't say it enough i can't stanf it and it makes me start to hate the person. maybe that's why my parents got divorced. last night the dude i room with came home and proceeded to saw away. i also think it's why i hate excessive drinking cause i can tell when someone has gone out and just gotten shitfaced. because they snore and there is no stopping them if they are drunk. it makes me want to kill, literally, in the middle of the night. it makes me hate and murder. i want to fill nostrils and esophagi with concrete and suffocate.

we went to the baseball game last night here in toronto. a couple of things. blue jays were playing the white sox. we were 8 rows back on the first base line. the seats were great but totally cramped. and there were some real tools two rows back yelling in my ear. come to think of it they made me want to slaughter as well. i mean they weren't even yelling funny stuff. yelling let's go oilers (hockey team) at a baseball game is just plain boring. you might as well try to start the wave, douche bags.
another thing. open the fucking roof. it stopped raining at one. it was a nice cloudy but warm summer night out and we were sitting there watching a game in what felt like a high school gymnasium. lame.
jays won 8 - 2.

stop snoring. please.

bad egg by buzzelli

what to do with a crackhead

cali made a pretty good point in the comments about papa smurf the other day. he felt that papa might have taken a page from pat dubar's writing for uniform choice 20 years ago. so i looked up the lyrics to their song, "screaming for change" and they difinitely share the same point of view.

when i was a straight edge kid in high school i had a friend that started listening to the grateful dead and smoking pot. i was like 15 and i wrote pat dubar a letter asking him what i should do, how i should treat my friend. he wrote me back on uniform choice letterhead and was actually very kind. but it was probably the most ridiculous thing ever written. well, besides the lyrics below.

screaming for change (pat dubar)
Screaming
for a change
forever changing
to once and rearragne
antother struggle
with the wind in my face
forever blowing
but this time at my pace

screaming for change
still screaming
screaming for change

some is better than none
but some just isn’t enough
i hope the best is yet to come
but hope alone won’t stand

I-SCREAM-FOR-CHANGE

understand that you make a diffrence
no diffrence between you and I
look beyond the shadowing surface
take the time don’t limit your mind

Don't Quit

there's this dude, papa smurf, in detroit. he hangs out outside st andrew's hall, the venue we played tonight. he's been doing it for twenty years. he has a pretty good angle cause he's nice, he scares the other bums (and there are a lot, it's like skid row in LA here) off and he writes poetry. basically he works for the money he earns. i gave him $10 for his diabetes medication and cause he watched the trailer for me.
i am bummed. i left my camera and my sweatshirt in the club tonight. i'll tell you there aren't many things more frustrating than being less than 100 feet away from your belongings locked in a building you can't enter. i just hope my camera is not gone forever. if it is this blog is about to get 100 times more boring than it is already.
here is a poem papa smurf wrote:

Don't Quit
When things go wrong
As they sometimes. Will,
When the road you're traveling
Seems all up hill.
When the funds. are low and the
Debts are high, and you want to
Smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bi.
Rest if you must, but don't you quit,
Resrt if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer, with it's twists and
Turn's. As everyone of us sometimes.
Learns, and many turns about, when he/she might
have (i can't tell what it says here) had he/she stuck it
out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed
with another blow
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
and you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far. so
stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
it's when thing seem worst that
you must not QUIT.

round on both ends

this is ohio.
the greatest state in the nation.
today we had a day off, sort of. there wasn't a show so we went to cincinnati and did a little press and hung out with friends and ate traditional ohio food. this is cincinnati style chili, a skyline 4-way (spaghetti, chili, cheese and onions) and a coney (hot dog, chili, onions, cheese and mustard). it's amazing. and people here love it. i saw it no less than 5 times today. here are three of them.

the best part of the day is the reds game we went to. i haven't been to the new stadium yet and it was great. there were 14 of us. it's funny that when you are a tour manager it doesn't matter if it's a day off or not, you manage both. i was in charge of getting the tickets and i always feel like a sheep dog herding everyone around. it was a gorgeous night and we walked from the hotel to the game. as we got closer to the game it became apparent that we were not the average baseball fans. although a few of us are hardcore into baseball it seems obvious that we don't look it.

US all in black

THEM all in red

i remember my mom giving me a lot of grief in high school about wearing all black all the time. and i don't do it now, actually. tonight i was dark brown and blue. but i don't see what the big deal was, it seems a lot of people like black. i guess it could have been the hair cut and the occasional eye liner. and maybe the times she had to pick me up from the cop station.

so we get to the game and we have seats in section 131 row GG seats 5-18. i walk down the aisle to seat 5 and this lady in 4 starts flipping out. i mean she really screamed at me that this was her seat. i calmly told her that i thought she might be wrong because i had a ticket that said differently. but i didn't belabor the point. i just said we would ask an usher. someone else in my party came up and asked what was going on and that set her off again. i said, "listen, it's cool. i'll just go ask an usher." and i started walking away and she is yelling at me about how these seats are for her sons. the only thing i could think of was that her sons must be really bummed that this lady is their mom; that it was good that they were off getting funnel cakes or whatever so they didn't have to see her acting like an ass in front of 50 people. the game was starting and people were wanting her to shut up. so i got an usher and in 2.6 seconds he told the lady that she was indeed in the wrong seats, she was in section 132 not 131. she blamed it on her husband, which may be true. but i was bummed for him too. hopefully she is bi polar or something. i would just like to point out to you that if you want to try to start some shit with me about most things you will probably be wrong. but if it includes something involving planning or scheduling an event, co-ordinating 2-20 people being in the right place at the right time, there is a 99.7% chance that you will be wrong. this is what i do for a living and i will school you at it. i am not going to say that when i am alone or almost alone i don't have doubt in my abilities and that i don't fret and dread that i have made a mistake. but when it gets down to it it's gonna happen the way it should and if you are yelling at me i will make you look foolish with my calm steely manner and my meticulous planning skills. and if you want to yell at me just know that i have probably been yelled at by better screamers that i cared more about (at least cause they were paying me to care) and that i will relish you opening your yap at me. because i know i will make you rue it. hah.

here she is, sort of, sitting in seats 1-6, row GG, SECTION 132. where she belonged. and that's her tubby son self medicating his annoyance with his mother with a giant beverage. she's right behind his big cup.

but to the game and the stadium both were beautiful. the reds scored 5 runs in the first inning and proceeded to whale on the brewers. eventually beating them 15 -5. bronson arroyo was pitching but he didn't hit a home. there was a woman holding a sign up that said:
"red sox nation
Bronson
I am HERE!
|
|
\/"
she pretty much held the sign up the whole time he was pitching and batting or on base. the problem i have with this is that she had a boyfriend or a husband sitting right next to her. you can't really respect a guy for being with a woman that obviously has a huge crush on another dude. so much so that she makes a giant sign and holds it up for an entire game trying to get his attention. sure we all have crushes on other people but if it gets that far you are probably a cuckold.

the stadium is great and it was an amazing night, sort of cool, but clear skies and green grass.
griffey's homer fireworks

mr. red bounced these ladies out of the stadium

larry had a sno cone

another homer

dude. no matter how much one team is slaying another only dorks start the wave. why did you have to be sitting in section 131? your nerdiness cramped my style.

plus if a place is only like 20% full. the wave is gonna blow.

i love cincinnati.

down by the levee

there's nothing like waking up to a gray sky and a strip mall. although i haven't ventured out to the front of the club it looks like my first show, experience even, in indianapolis is going to be generic. pretty much what i had imagined anyway. the strip mall is made out of bricks that i can't stand. the ones that aren't staggered, just laying on top of each other and the mortar is almost white. just straight up ugly. there is a sushi place next to the club with a hand painted sign that doesn't install confidence, especially when they are 1000 miles from the ocean.

speaking of staggering: last night was another great night/day. the whole day was pretty easy. it got a little hectic around doors. greg's mom showed up with a giant bag full of steak sandwiches from hamilton, ohio. and some other family members were around as well. it was just rad to see all these old friends. they were the type that maybe you called a friend but you didn't know all that well. you wouldn't go to their house for dinner cause you weren't that close but you'd have some great conversation in a bar or at a show. like tim schwallie. he is an amazing painter, amongst other things like being an integral part of my favorite cincinnati band the wolverton brothers. you should check out mp3's there. you can also see some of tim's paintings here. tim was someone that i would run into in my early and mid twenties and we would always have some great conversations, about politics or music or the world in general. i was so stoked that he is still painting and making music. he gave me a great pep talk about being able to do whatever i wanted to do. and it didn't feel like someone feeding me a line cause he isn't someone i talk to everyday.
plus if i decide to move to cincinnati he can help me buy a house cause he is also a real estate agent!
and his band mate bill was there but i didn't get a chance to talk to him. there were a bunch of people like that there. people that when i was young i respected so much and was in awe of cause i thought they were old and they were younger than i am now. pretty lame of me. but it felt good seeing them and seeing that they are all still living and doing things and look happy. even if all i did was say hello to them last night.

and john got up and played the bass with greg last night. and it was so rad to see him up there. he, too, is an incredibly nice guy that i feel stoked to see even if it's just to say hello. the crowd went nuts.

and at the the end of the night i had a drink and talked to chris the promoter. he started promoting shows around the same time i did, forever ago. we talked about our approach to our jobs and places we had been. he has two kids now and a house and although i know it has got to be hectic. it sounded like a fucking great life to me.

sunset in newport, ky. looking at cincinnati. the ohio river is under that bridge.

and i watched a little of animal house yesterday.

i am excited about the future. i just wish it would happen a little faster, sometimes.

i can see cincinnati

i am sitting across from cincinnati, ohio. there it is right there the place i used to live.
that's the place i met hilary. we had a really great day yesterday, in chicago. she picked me up from the venue and like i said a minute ago we went to her place and i showered and we looked at these letters i sent her 10 or 11 years ago. they were full of photos and weird colloquialisms that i don't ever remember using or even thinking. we were laughing. we even found a tape i sent her. we listened to it on the way back to the venue and i said, "i really wish i had all these tapes i used to make of my radio show." and 10 seconds later there i am, on the tape, saying the weather for the next three days in the spring of 1993. i was playing songs by spacemen 3, the fall, and throw that beat in the garbage can and stumbling over my words, blabbering about my day off the next day and probably talking to no one seeing as my show was from 2:30 - 5:00 am on wednesdays. it probably didn't help that every week right before i came on the air the girl ahead of me would play some ridiculous song. once she played, "you're my best friend" by queen with a 5 minute dedication to her mother. well, that doesn't sound so lame now. but when i was 23 and pretty aggro i felt like i could hear any radios that were tuned in clicking off. i would go to give away tickets to things and i couldn't even get 4 callers. i'd just have to pretend like the second was the fourth call.
yeah. we found that tape and this photo:

then we had a great meal down the street from the club and we talked for a long time about some heavy things and some life plans and things we want and long for. it's nice to talk to someone at length that understands the lifestyle i lead and knows what it's like to feel restless and isn't just empathizing. she knows cause she tours with people liek the stones and velvet revolver, stuff like that. she's the type of friend that you know will last.

and then i got to see mogwai cause they were the early show. so fucking great. so loud, so pretty, so scottish. ali was there and it's always awesome to hear his accent. greg said part of there set almost moved him to tears and when i told one of the mogwai guys that he said "aye! that's amazing cause greg dulli is so great!" and that made me happy. i like it when bands i know and bands i like get along.

and then we condensed our whole usual 10 hour day into 5 hours when we loaded in, set up, sound checked and played the show from 10 pm to 3:15 am. and it couldn't have been easier or more fun. the people at the club were awesome. you can't complain when krista, the catering girl, hand delivers a case of water to your bus at 4:30 with a smile and gives you a hug good bye.

friends for life. i couldn't decide which of these to put up because i think they are all great. so you're getting them all.

plus i was asking joe, the guy that owns the club, about black flag shows that happened there in the early 80's. they used to do two shows a night! and sell them both out at like 1,000 people each. i like to be in places where i know rollins has given the beatdown to some dudes and then sat in the back opf the pitch black gear truck thinking about his hatred of humanity and his fans.

mother fucking whip

hilary and i are looking at old letters i sent her 11 and 12 years ago. on the back of a photo i sent i actually wrote:
"ow"
"the mother fuckin whip"
and
"i am obviously gay"
on another:
"rockin out"
all i talk about is how "awesome" she is. how much i love the make up and doing lsd.
i met her when she was 17 and i was 23. we've been friends ever since.
she is laughing so hard she is crying and i am trying to figure out who this person was that was me. and laughing.
hopefully i will have more some photos of the letters later on. she is looking for more as i type.