i feel the field of battle within my life

i miss japan. holland is fine but 5 days in this country is enough. i bought a tube of mayonaisse yesterday. it looked good.
i am stoked to come home. i've been looking for mattresses (again) online. i want, i want to just buy one and have it shipped and waiting for me when i get home. i want to come home, drop my bags and plop down. on my bed and sigh and soak in the leaves and breathe. i wanna do some yoga next to my bed and look out over the patio at the foliage. i want to do a sun salutation to the sun! that'll be a first i want to get home by 8 pm and take a nap on my bed and go upstairs and see cali. or drive down the hill and see kime. it's going to be sweet and i can't wait for it to start.

but it will only be a week. then i'll be gone again. and that's okay. 4 more days with dinosaur and then 3 weeks with the white stripe and 3 with the go! team. i'll be home for a day or two here or there. but right now there isn't really a reason to be home. i am on the road and healing feeling free but homesick. we have 5 shows in a row starting today. eindhoven, paris, reading, leeds, edinborough. then we fly to austria, play a show and i come home from vienna. 52,735 miles this year. i listen to lavender diamond "you broke my heart" and "rise in the springtime" on the plane (any plane) a lot.

usually when it's landing. i don't know how i started this. i think it was in australia. on the flight from adelaide to perth. i liked the way it made me feel. i love feeling nostalgic and lonely in my private time i guess. i mean i can do it when i am around 1000 people if i want to. i think on the plane i have given my self control over and i have no fear of it crashing and so i listen to these two songs i have found that are sort of soaring and inspirational. i listen mostly when we are landing. i hide the headphones under my hair, i disobey the flight attendants and i think, "well, if it goes down this will be a lovely soundtrack".

it's a conundrum. i want to go home. i want to stay away.

Comments

[Valentina]

Me too.

ps. Some friends will be in Leeds, I hope they run into you and give you a message I sent.

[kime]

whatever that smiling pocket taco thing is I want to eat it.

Can't wait til u get back. I'll pick u up. Becky came in the shop yesterday-she confirmed playing with lavender diamond at the benefit.
xo

[robin]

Something about airplanes is always nostalgic & lonely. Bittersweet. I love the feeling. Its like a great nap.

Be well.