Where is the hotel?

cool as...

me

g - unit

rollin'

half shut eyes don't see who you hit

2 beer party. again. this time with spiral stairs!

here's some minor annoying tour trivia.
people that roll out of the club at 1 AM, have a 7:15 AM lobby call to go to the airport, fly, and then spend all afternoon getting ready for another show partying til 3, 4 even 5 AM are retards. and then they spend most of the next day complaining about how tired they are and then basically are repeating the whole process as we speak. that is what i am talking about if you ever here me tell you to not to be jealous of my job. retardation runs rampant.

oh! and a related gripe. some of the same people spend mass money on shitloads of vitamins and tinctures and ointments and holistic massages and organic gluten free foods and yoga mats and all this shit. most of which i can't deny, i am into to. however, i am also into the whopper. i believe i just recently had the first whopper of my life. we were never a big burger king family when i grew up. we hung mostly at mcdonalds. but anyway, whoa. a whopper is good. so, i am into the whopper and all that crap i listed above. well, not so into TINCTURES, cause i think that word is annoying. it find it pretty funny that people will spend so much time (and effort) lugging all those health accessories around and looking for the organic restaurant. (and hassle me for a masseuse) just so they can then go out and drink and smoke doobs and party til the wee hours only getting minimal sleep night after night after night. so let me just say it here: don't act so grossed out when i eat one whopper a tour. bk is called hungry jack over here. some other dude already had a burger king when bk made their move to australia.
i could tell some real good jammers about this trip. but i think i have to save it for the tv show.

photo i wished i got today: the band is onstage for 2 hours in sydney. everyone except for kd comes off stage. he is standing there yakking with the crowd for maybe 10 minutes. introducing marty, the sound guy and just talking about how there's a curfew and how he doesn't care. something like "do you want another song? i don't care about the curfew." and then quotes rage against the machine, "fuck you i won't do what you tell me", which is a little inside joke we have going on tour. so the 850 people go nuts, wanting another song. and i am standing in the door to the stage, only mildly paying attention, actually pretty close to day dreaming. i kind of have my hand on my hip. and i am looking around and all of a sudden this one super angry face jumps out of the crowd at me. like just materializes out of the mass blur that the crowd is. and he is like 30 feet away staring at me and i see his mouth moving and he's shouting "fuck you! fuck you! i won't do what you tell me!" over and over. i can read his lips. then i sort of start to realize what's going on and then i see his arms in the air, double middle fingers right at me! basically he thinks i am standing there hand on hip trying to get the band to come off stage. kevin notices at the same time i do and tells the dude not to give me the finger and then brings me out on stage to introduce me. so, yeah i wish i had a photo of that guys angry face.

2 beer party is getting closer to happening in japan. if you want a scapegoat for my binge drinking on this tour you could look to S HASON. she posted an photo of a tiny part of my apartment that has made me homesick. it's just a small corner but it pretty much sums it all up. and it's really beautiful. thanks a lot hason. now my mom and my neighbor are worried i have a problem. yr fault.

restaurant options at the university of sydney.

i went out last night and got messed up

5 days left until the real fun begins. J A P A N times so close i can smell the okinomiaki!

MIA in a metallica shirt? i do believe that she is tied with dunst.

i don't want it you can take it back

a-dulll-laide (not pictured above)
we flew here from wellington (pictured above). i have decided that new zealand is to australia what scotland is to england. which is to say that new zealand is kick a and australia is whatever.

due to some car race called the clipsall (pronounced calypso in australian) 500 in adelaide we were stuck in the boondocks. literally. we were 30 miles outside the city in a tiny town called hahndorf. we stayed in these little cottages and you were awoken by prehistoric sounding birds at 6 AM. i didn't really care. as a matter of fact i rather enjoyed it. the only thing, and by only i mean THE thing that made it suck is that by being so far out it was grist for the mill of complaints that works overtime with some of these people. luckily for me sonic youth (120 year rock veterans) were also relegated to staying out here so i had a pretty good comeback to the constant whining.

and besides that. look what else they had out here: a sexy kangaroo.

i have rediscovered the power of beer to take the edge off. luckily for me after two beers everything is dulled.

this is it. the most exciting thing happening in adelaide besides two beers, the possibility of frankenstein hosting your birthday party and a sexy kangaroo outside of town.

it turns out that the quiet of adelaide was just the calm before the storm and i actually needed those days to rest up. but since, after spending $50 AUD i have reached my maximum bandwith allotment on their sadistic prehistoric internet scene that'll have to wait.

in the distance

kevin drew hassling airline personnel at toronto international.

a couple observations i had over the course of my 24 hours of travel the other day.
1.) it is apparent to me that my loyalty to american airlines is based solely on my crack like addiction to accruing as many AAdvantage miles as is humanly possible. because if it weren't i would never fly their shitty airline again. basically (other than the leg room) economy sections in most other (non US) non US airlines is better than American's business class. Air Canada had like 30 different movies to choose from on a 5 hour fight to vancouver. Air New Zealand had "over 450 hours of in flight entertainment". i watched Control, the joy division movie on my plane. that tells you something. oh yeah and both airlines did not edit out boobs.
2.)fat little 30 year old dudes traveling with their moms are dicks. it's not my problem that you thighs are so big they force your legs apart. i don't need to listen to you complain and kick my seat, which is not even reclined as far as it could possibly go, for a 14 hour flight. if your mom can be trapped in the middle seat you can suffer the aisle like a man and shut the fuck up. tiny legs do not get to complain. Air new zealand has some comfy economy seats.
3.) hmmm i can't remember my other observations although i am quite sure there were more.

anyway, i arrived in new zealand the other day feeling so great! it never crossed my mind that the west coast is really only 3 hours ahead of new zealand, but one day behind. so my 14 hour flight from vancouver was a breeze. basically i missed a day and that was monday so who really cares. when we arrived i realized that incubus was there. i didn't realize cause i was stuck on a holding couch with the main dude from that band, who was very nice. i only realized it when i saw their road cases come out in the baggage area. this is especially coincidental because a friend of a friend works for incubus. joe had written me a few months back and (classic) i never responded. pretty cool i thought. here we are 1/2 way around the world and we are at the airport. i didn't get to see him tho cause his bags were lost but i told some other crew dudes to say hi. he came to the show the other night and i was happy to meet someone a friend randomly in auckland. of course i have no photo.

it's been a frustrating first few days with broken social scene. part of their charm and aesthetic is their ramshackleness. seeing as my job is to make things run smoothly it can be a little annoying. that said, they like to have fun, so two hours after we landed in nz we were at the beach. some beach called piha about 40 minutes outside of auckland. it was an awesome color of gray and the drive there reminded me so much of kauai. we rounded a corner and this was the view.

we parked the car in front of neil finn's (!!!) beach house and went to the beach. it was massive! like from scrubby brush by the road to the water was like 250 feet. like i said it was GRAY and i felt a little wary of the water so even tho i had been prepared to swim i climbed the giant rock with justin and some others went swimming.

but i didn't stay up there too long cause you could only go about 1/2 way. so i decided that i was gonna go swimming. i didn't fly 12.000 miles to not go swimming. there's nothing like being in the southern hemisphere. i love it i don't really care about australia. like NZ is way better. if australia were in north no one would care about it.

the water was great. it went out for like 50 feet and was only 2-3 feet deep. the waves were small but intense. and the water was slightly warmer than hawaii. then we went and did some interviews and now i am literally falling asleep. so i am going to go to bed.

oh yeah! look who else is here....bss incubus,and LOLrus.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

i've been out walking

last days in LA. even tho adventures are ahead, it always seems it's time to leave just when i figure out the routine. lately it's been a 3 pm hike in elysian park. not much of a routine i know, but still a routine.

and reality tv at kime's. (pizza buona not pictured, but in effect).
kime and georgie.

georgie and satan.

los globos.

went to a radical art show at sugar hair salon.

went and saw annie get psychedelic. and shred. ya know she shreds in a really girly way. and i don't mean that as a diss. it's like her wailing is pretty and soft, like a girl should be, but still tough. she's great.

then i went and froze my ass off for exactly 1 day in toronto.

i've told you before... canadians are not as innocent as they seem. when you're at the airport, surrounded by them and reading this advertisement (propaganda poster?) it kind of feels like you're in that tv mini-series, "V".

that's not my name

things are hectic, stressful and crazy right now. 24 hours of traveling starts today to get to New Zealand.
i didn't mention that one week ago today i saw sweeney todd. i didn't mention it cause it was probably the worst movie i have ever seen. for real. sometimes you say that and you don't really mean it, but for real. this movie was a real piece.
who would have known that i would ever be longing for the post sweeney todd malaise lynn and i experienced last sunday while waiting for the L train.

i'll be in new zealand on tuesday.

you're blood is blue

okay. so the other night i flew from NYC to LA. the flight was supposed to leave at 8:45 PM. it left at 12:00 AM. we sat on the plane for 3 hours. but i am not complaining. i was bumped to business. so it was quite comfortable. i was convinced that farah fawcett was on my plane. but, i have to admit (and some of you know i am really terrible at confusing celebs. remember that time karen elson sat next to me on a flight to london 4 years ago and i blew her off?) t wasn't her. just some rich plastic surgery lady talking loudly about brazil. and that woman from miami ink was there too. so it was a pretty glamourous flight.

so they had us get on the plane and then informed us that it would be 2 hours until we were de-iced. like i said, i was fine with this. in addition to being quite comfortable in my business class seat it meant that i didn't have to sit in the waiting area and be confronted by any number of annoying occurrences.

let me runs some possible issues down. the first thing you need to realize: cross country, nyc to la (or vice versa) flights are fucked. they are jammed with despicable people. just the worst examples of any la/nyc cliche you can think of: plastic surgery disasters, self righteous loud talkers, fashion victims, b list celebs. and all these people are card carrying platinum members which means that all of them will spend any given amount of time arguing with the airline personnel about why they should be upgraded. now there were numerous cases of these three particular types but the one i really want to talk about is the fashion victim. normally these types are women. i mean not to diss... it's just that men don't normally care too much. but the other night was special. this guy was the reason i was stoked that i got to sit on the plane for 3 hours rather than stare at him.

i first noticed this guy before they switched our gate. i was on the phone with shayla when i first caught site of this guy and his hat. i am pretty sure i interrupted her to tell her about it. who knows what kind of fucked up fur it was made out of, it literally added at least 6 inches to each side of his head and probably another 10 inches from forehead to the dome of the hat. it looked soft. i tried to get a photo (the photo in the post from the other day, which was also my first siting of the fake farah fawcett) but it was blurry. still on the phone with shayla, lamenting my chance of getting a photo of this dude, i am on the moving walkway heading to the new gate. and i look up and there he is coming right at me from the opposite way. so i stuck my camera in his face and got this one. not too much better.

so we got to the new gate and i sat there and watched this guy, with his giant furry ear flaps running around the terminal for like 40 minutes. i followed him for a bit, out of sheer boredom. he would just walk from one end of the gate are to the other, sometimes venturing about 50 - 100 feet down the terminal. he wasn't on his phone, he wasn't listening to headphones. he was just (almost) running around. it seemed to me like a pretty obvious attention grab. i guess he didn't realize that having a giant dead animal on your head inside a heated building was doing the trick. he also complained (to no avail) about his seat. and when he turned away from the counter everyone snickered.

so it's great. i get to get on the plane. i get to watch him walk past me to the economy section and i get to forget about him for like 8 hours. here's some more shots of him and the hat tho. admittedly, not very good. i should have just not given a fuck and snapped some good ones. had i known what would happen when we got to LA i wouldn't have messed around.

here he is mid pace. not the best shot, but i think it gives you a good idea of just how big this hat actually was in comparison to the rest of his (freakishly) small body.

5 AM at lax. the place is deserted, it's amazingly calm. i get my bags and am waiting under the sign that says "hotel and courtesy shuttles" for my ride to the parking lot. LAX, like most airports in the rest of the world, first, third, what have you, is well signed as to where you should wait for your preferred mode of transportation. as i am waiting i hear someone loudly yell, "taxi!". i turn and see the 30 person deep taxi stand line directly behind me and then further down the terminal there is big hat stepping out of the way of a cab speeding past him towards the cab stand. at this point he steps back on the curb and turns and starts running with his bag. i thought "weird. is the cab stopping for him?" but it wasn't. it was stopped at the head of this line that is now a little longer. so i turn back around and i sort of chuckling to myself about that guy. there is this business woman and another guy also waiting with me. she looked a little like this.

about 5 seconds after i last see big hat all of a sudden he is standing next to me. or rather next to the business woman. he seems rather panicky and without introducing himself or apologizing for his interruption the following happens:

big hat: "WHERE ARE THESE BUSSES GOING" (he points at an avis shuttle)

business woman: "what biusses? what are you talking about?"

bh: "the BUSSES!? where are they going? CAN I GET A BUS TO THE CITY?"

bw: "i don't know what you're talking about. these aren't city busses. see that one says 'Avis'. It's going to Avis. that one says 'Marriot' it's going to the Marriot. do you understand that?"

bh: "ma'am (um big mistake dude. you don't call a 35 year old woman ma'am). i am sorry. i am not from here. i am from NYC. you don't have to be rude to me."

bw: "i wasn't being rude. you are yelling about busses?"

bh: "fine. thank you ma'am. i will figure it out. i am from nyc" (he said that twice.)

then as he's walking away the business lady yells after him

"i don't give a FUCK where you're from. NYC? who the fuck cares! I am from the streets of LA!!(unlikely) I will FUCK you up MOTHER FUCKER."
then she looks at me and says "what a piece of shit! i will fuck that guy up. who cares if you're from NYC? what the fuck? i saw that asshole running around the airport with his stupid giant fur hat on. he was an asshole then and he's an asshole now."

i just sort of chuckled at her.
then she got on the phone with her parking lot and said:

"listen. i've been waiting at LEAST 15 minutes. it's fucking 10 below out here and i don't want to have to call again. get over here."

it's unlikely that either of these people were actually from where they claimed to be. i think that most new yorkers would be bummed if they knew that someone claiming to be from there (arguably, one of the toughest places to live-historically speaking) could not figure out how to navigate the ground transportation operations of one of the top 5 largest airports in their homeland. and i am reasonably sure that most people actually from the streets in LA would fuck that woman up. not the other way around.

people in LA and NYC are fucked up.
it was 5:12 AM.

forgot to mention: bh's gay boots. white jeans. typical.

1000 words

there's an amazing 14 hour story in here about the world's largest douche. 
but it's 5 AM and i just got home. so it'll have to wait.

i think i have a drinking problem

don't call her "drunkst".  it's just not very nice.  on the day kirsten dunst entered rehab i drove (at the peak of rush hour) to LAX to pick up kime.  dunst kept me company the whole way.  needless to say i didn't even notice the traffic on the 110.

Speaking of kime, drunkeness and dunst.  well not really dunst but it's just a fun word to say.  i am off to nyc at 5 AM tomorrow morning. AA flight 118 if you want to track it. 
in nyc i plan on:
seeing no age
seeing doppelbro
seeing old old friends
2 secret meetings
seeing liz claytons brand new brooklyn bukkitt
and having a monday night with mark hang at great jones. 
if you are doing any of those things... see you there.  or you are invited to monday at great jones.  even if i don't know you.
and since i won't make it back until 1 AM wednesday morning i will miss biggest loser binging with buzzelli.
here's a photo of how we watch that show.  that bag had $15 worth of cookies in it when the show started